I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
