Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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