i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
