Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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