I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
