I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
