I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
