sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Duck Duck Cougar?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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