There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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