i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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