Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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