Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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