my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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