so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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