I love watching others lives come down to our level.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
