I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
