I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
