I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
40s are totally the cure
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
