Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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