i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
