Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
