nutella sex= disaster
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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