Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
