Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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