she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
