And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
