Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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