whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
