Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
