Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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