When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
