Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
