it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
