i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
