I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
