and you said cock pushups were impossible
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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