Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
