for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
