his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
