You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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