My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
