he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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