A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
