i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
