I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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