john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
