I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
