that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
