good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
