the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
