onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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