I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
