we have pet lesbian snakes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
