please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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