is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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